Tis the season to be miserable.

Ugh…I remember why this season is the one that causes the most mental cases to come out.

1 AM and I can’t sleep because I keep thinking this is another Christmas (3 in a row now) that I’ve spent “alone”* I mean…there are times (like now) when I’d be happy just to be in a relationship – no matter how sucky.

*Yes I had family all around and it was great…but it’s still missing something when you’re the only one without a significant other.

Why am I thinking about this now? Well partly because in 6 months I’ll be as old as my parents when they got married. And I’ve got no prospects to end my long time singleness. And because I just thought about how badly all my past relationships have ended.

First one – cheated on. Second one – dumped because dad didn’t approve. Third one – cheated on, and lied too. Fourth one – cheated on, dumped because friends didn’t approve. Fifth one (same girl as 4^{th - yeah yeah i was stupid}) – cheated on, lied too, physically assaulted and then dumped because friends and mother didn’t approve. And last one- of which I’m still sucking wind about – let go because I’m probably not the right guy (Something I really disagree with). And while it was short…I miss her more than just the relationship.

But…ya see a pattern? Cheated on 66% of the time – NICE! Instills confidence doesn’t it? I mean seriously – I know nice guys finish last, but give me a freakin break! That’s plain crazy!

And this time of year doesn’t help, period. Couples always feel so warmly towards each other. Girls get rings as gifts, people elope because the mood strikes. I mean…even the girls whom I never thought would settle down are getting married (albeit after finding out she was pregnant! But Still!)

And it’s not just the being single that sucks (even though right now, that part really sucks) – it’s the fact that when I think I’ve found a girl – it ends like the above – or I get one of the greatest rejections of all time, like a girl lying about being gay, or having AIDS!) Arg.

Frustration builds over, and I try to do something (like joining a gym, going to a few new bars – etc etc.) Nothing works.

But I do have to place an asterisk by this whole rant – I still have standards too.

****The Following Will Piss Some People Off, And For That I Am Sorry!****

But I just can’t see myself dating someone that out weighs me!! Someone who does drugs, smokes, doesn’t want to do anything with their life, or honestly – that looks ugly! Yes everybody’s got inner beauty, and that’s great – but if there’s no sexual attraction, then there’s nothing there!

So go ahead, be pissed, tell me I’m shallow, an ass (hey I’ve tried the nice guy thing…you see how it works out! But, arg. I know it’s not gunna be easy but man…it shouldn’t be this damn hard!

Ok, I’ve ranted enough

But just so all of you know I’m not depressed (seriously!) - I’ve got to much good in my life for that. It just truly truly sucks, and I really dislike being single – even though I’m ok with myself as a single person…I’d much rather not be. Period, end of story.

…oh yeah and how do I tie this into nursing?

By ending with the ultimate crap on – my schizophrenic bi-polar patient, is married and has 2 children that missed her so much that they weighted in the ER lobby for 12 hours after she told them she never wanted to see them again!

So she gets to be married? And I’m still freakin single…yeah life’s real fair.