Goodbye Month of October, You Sucked

So who’s glad to see October go?

That month can suck my….well you know. I don’t think there were two days in a row that I liked in October (a couple days here and there that were “ok”). But I mean…even Halloween was lousy. Tainted by learning of a tragedy that far out ways anything to have happened to me.

But now it’s gone. So now, November is going to be better, right?

God I hope so.

I get off orientation in 5 days. *Gulp*

So I get to “play nurse” for real. No more people looking over my shoulder, no more excuses. It’s all about me now.

Wow…never thought this day would come.

….Never thought I’d be this scared about that day.

I’m not going to lie, my orientation hasn’t been what I thought it would be. I’ve watched some nurses get eaten alive on orientation (and thus sucked as nurses) and I’ve watched others get shown everything everywhere and they are stellar nurses.

Me? Mine was a roller coaster ride of what I could and couldn’t do. Of what I HAD to do, and then what I should do. Mixed in were a bunch of times getting tossed under the bus, and getting reamed for doing things for patients that cost time.

Every “good” nurse I’ve ever known says that orientation is the basis of your nursing career, it’s how you base the rest of your work on it – well, sorry it ain’t happening. I’ve learned some very important things; other things have just sucked on it. So therefore I’m going to be starting over. Relearning and figuring everything out.

After all, I’m too thick headed and stubborn to give up. I will find my way, and I will knock the pants off it!

So, nursing will really begin in less than a week.

The question is, what do I do with the rest of my life? I mean you can’t just work right? I know nurses that do, and they are damn good at their jobs. But that’s not for me is it? That’s not all I’ve got left in the tank is it? At 23??

Honestly, I don’t know. I’m tired of being alone, but I’m tired of playing games. I’m tired of being the “nice guy” but not willing to be the “bad boy.”

I guess we go for status quo. And for me that means waiting, just seeing what the future holds. Sounds good to me.

So, it seems good that October is ending, maybe the future will get brighter!

It’s always darkest before the dawn, right?

If that’s the case… Then well November is starting on a really crappy way of starting.

Last night I went to the calling hours of a former coworker. A 20 year old kid. Who was quick to laugh, slow to complain and always up for hard work.

RIP Justin Groves

November…your already starting to suck!